You've Lost that Guilty Feeling

While fasting can leave you pretty exhausted, I try to find energy to do as many lectures as I can while I'm here. I know there is so much I need to learn in order to be able to carry on the lifestyle I need to carry on once I return home. The numerous lectures here at TrueNorth were definitely one of the aspects that attracted me to this facility. Not only am I fasting for my physical health while I am here, but I'm given multiple opportunities to address not only physical health needs, but mental health needs and environmental barriers that can cause difficulties when trying to transition to a new healthful lifestyle.

I try to ensure attendance at Dr. Lisle's lectures on Saturdays. You never know what direction the lectures will go, what topics there will be or what information you will be able to glean and apply to your life. Today's hot topic was: guilt. We've all felt it at some point and time. Some of us more than others. Dr. Lisle shared in his lecture that all feelings are a signal. We are genetically engineered for certain responses both physically and emotionally. Emotional signals are obviously more complicated than physical symptoms. If you step on a rock and it hurts your foot: you move your foot. Pretty simple physiological repsonse to pain. If you have a negative feeling, well, determining what your response should be can sometimes be a bit tricky.

People consistently walk a fine line between doing what's best for themselves and doing what's best for the "village"/humanity. Humans have an underlying genetic sense of fairness. When that sense is disrupted and people feel they are being treated unfairly, their genetic response is anger. On the other hand, if people perceive they've been unfair to others, they'll begin to feel guilt. Interestingly enough, each of us has an "internal" audience that gives us feedback. This feedback is designed to be an estimation of how an "external" audience will perceive us. This internal audience works to prepare us for a "real" audience. Each person has an esteem meter that is sensitive to feedback from both internal and external audiences. A person's internal audience can create guilt before an external audience even has a chance to pass a judgement.

Push yourself away from the table!!!
Exercise!!!
Just eat less!!!
Quit being so lazy!!!
How hard is it to give up soda/cigarettes/bad food?!!!

The problem with a person's internal audience is that audience is no more knowledgable or smarter than the external audience that is not made up of doctors or psychologists, etc. The internal audience becomes frustrated, disgusted and angry. Then the internal audience says: Bring on the guilt! And we do. We bring it on in spades. We beat ourselves up for being bad mothers, bad wives, bad employees, bad friends, etc. And then we guilty ourselves into believing we are bad at all of those things because we just don't have the willpower to do any better. We have no concept of "The Pleasure Trap" and no understanding of the fact that our bodies were never designed to deal with it. The Pleasure Trap is unfair. We need to fire our internal audiences. We need to understand the magnitude of the challenge before us and educate our internal audiences. Only then are we going to be able to free ourselves from the guilt that has unfairly been hung our necks like a thick heavy yoke.

More on The Pleasure Trap soon.

Today's Update:
Healing in progress!
DAYS FASTING: 3 (juice)/13 (water)
CURRENT MEDS: 0
AM BP: 102/69
PM BP: 116/74
WEIGHT: - 24.3 LBS
GENERAL WELLNESS: Aside from some pesky low back pain, muscle weakness and insomnia (all of which are normal during fasting), I'm feeling pretty good. I went to lecture this morning and I'm planning on attending a special event here tonight.

A little pic from today! Letting go of some guilt!

Power to the Peop... to the Me!!!

One aspect I really enjoy about True North thus far are the lectures. Although I've only attended a few, the few I've been to have been quite remarkable. The lectures are led by either doctors here at True North or other health/wellness experts in varying fields. I looked forward with much anticipation hearing Dr. Goldhammer's 2:00 o'clock spot this afternoon and despite a lack of food for three and a half days, eagerly galloped to the dining hall to hear what all he had to say along with my sweet roomie Andrea. She wanted to see what his lectures were all "aboot" as well. Giggle, giggle, snort.

Some of the lectures are set up strictly as Q&A sessions and some have specific covered topics followed by Q&A. Today's lecture was the latter format. The class today began with a slide show presentation. The first slide was simple enough. It posed the question of "Why do we eat?" I knew the short answer was energy, but it breaks down into several different categories. We eat to fulfill eight particular needs: calories (preferably complex carbohydrates); water; protein (for the fulfillment of eight essential amino acids adult bodies do not produce); fat (primarily Omega 3 essential fatty acids); vitamins; minerals; and fiber and phytochemicals both of which can only be derived from plant food. 

I was very much on the fence when I arrived here about the idea of going full-on vegan. I mean dropping most meats would be pretty easy for me although I love a good chicken breast and some bacon. However, to drop ALL animal products and by-products means a life with no eggs and no dairy. I had some idea as to why dropping meat would be a good idea, but didn't have a full understanding of issues with meat at least in the respect of how we consume them here in the US. There are eight overall issues with animal food products in the US (and thereby also animal food by-products) and those are: bacterial contamination (which sometimes gets cooked out and sometimes does not); viral contamination; prions (organisms that can't be killed with cooking); heavy metal concentrations; growth stimulants/hormones; antibiotics; pesticides; and biological concentration. I've seen certain documentaries that made me not really want to think about where the meat I was eating was coming from, but they served more as a gross out factor versus legitimate/sound reasoning to not eat meat. For me, personally, meat and animal by-products are something I'm going to have to heavily considere as factors in my diet when I return home. I continue to lean toward vegan ideals for someone with my health background. I know a lot of folks are pretty attached to their meat and dairy. I'm trying to imagine a life without cheese and it seems a little sad to me. However, a life without cheese and without Remicade infusions every five weeks seems like a better life to me. So, there's that...

I wondered myself, as you might be, what the heck can I eat then because the other big no-no is: processed foods - of any kind. That would be multi-ingredient foods that contain oils; flours; added salts; refined sugars; and again, dairy (because dairy is a completely processed food for the most part). So, well, that's everything in my pantry and fridge at present knocked out. Well, almost everything anyway. Foods to include in my new diet: fresh fruits; raw and cooked vegetables; raw nuts; raw seeds; and complex carbs such as potatoes, yams, rice, quinoa, beans, lentils, peas, etc. May not seem like much, but when you consider the number of fruits, vegetables, beans and gluten free grains available, you can actually get more creative than you might initially consider. I know I plan to get creative!

After discussion about why we eat; foods to avoid; and foods to consume, Dr. Goldhammer opened up the floor to general questions. This is when the magic really happened for me. I had my question poised and ready. I was really intrigued to know what Dr. Goldhammer would have to say. My question went something like this: "I have health issues. I am specifically here because of three auto-immune disorder diagnoses. I am here to get better. I am here to get my health under control. I understand everything you're saying to me and what I need to do. Here's my concern: I have five children and a husband. My father recently began staying with us. I'm from the South where all things fried are considered divinity. I can't snap my fingers and make my family fall in line. They'll not have had the experience of fasting and retraining their pallets as I have had. I do I overcome these issues?"

I thought it was a good question and apparently the rest of the group thought it was a good question. I heard the whispered words: five kids, her father moved in, is she crazy, she must be a saint. What I heard most was, "Right!!!" The other members of the audience could get that fundamental struggle. And they wanted an answer, too. Dr. Goldhammer delivered in grand style.

Fact one: Tobacco is the only factor that beats obesity in cause of death for Americans. 

Fact two: No loved one would, with clear conscience, give a drunk a drink.

Fact three: Foods on the avoid list, for me, are as deadly as tobacco for anyone and as bad for me as a beer is for an alcoholic.

Wow. Let that sink in for a minute. Read that last paragraph again. Did you let that sink in for a moment? Because that was the quickest lesson in empowerment that I've ever been given. Dr. Goldhammer literally gave me permission to look at my family and say: That is poison to my body. If I eat it, it will kill me. You don't have to deny yourself that food if you really desire it, but I can not eat it; I will not buy it; and I will not prepare it. Wow! I can do that! I can genuinely say to my husband, my children and my father that I simply can not partake in the consumption of those foods. If they wish to do so, they can. But I can not. Because I want to live longer and healthier. 

Dr. Goldhammer recommended several different books today. The book I would most like to read and will read as soon as possible is "The Pleasure Trap" by Douglas Lisle and Alan Goldhammer. Ah, the modern day addiction to food and the havoc it has reigned down on an unsuspecting population is far greater than any other scourge on earth. I've been leaning toward that conclusion for quite some time. My time here has only solidified the thought. What could be more pleasureful in life than to have total control of your wants and desires? To not let your primal whim that screams for string cheese and cupcakes to win. To feel good. To not hurt. I think I could give up some sugary junk to feel that kind of power.

Oh, today's stats:
BP check: 142/87
Pounds Lost: 11.2
Days Fasting: 4 (juice 3/ water 1)