It took a lot not to cry today when I realized it was over. The day began rough enough and as the day passed I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker. I literally got up three times to go to the bathroom and each trip progressively got slower. By the third trip, I sat back down in the recliner, closed my eyes, laid my head back and felt the world begin to spin. It was at that point I knew the fast was over. I knew if I didn't call the fast today, the doctor would call it tomorrow. I asked myself what I would be proving furthering my misery into tomorrow because I knew misery was all that would lie ahead. My body was done. It was telling me it was done. But today was only day 26 and I was going to fast for 30 days. How could I be done? I hadn't met my goal yet. Why couldn't my body just do what I wanted it to do?
As I called the doctor to relay I wanted some broth, I held back tears. I was really that upset I wouldn't be meeting my goal. Then an abrupt kick; a sudden thought came over me. Call it an epiphany, call it what you will, but it was exactly what I needed to enter my rattled brain at that precise moment. Hadn't pushing my body beyond it's limits contributed to the reasons I wound up here in the first place? Running it out until it just couldn't run anymore. Not taking care of it's needs no matter how loudly it was crying out for help. That's when I told myself no. No you will not be disappointed in yourself. No you will not look on this as a failure. No you will not see this as a goal not met.
Ending my fast today was a victory. Today I chose to listen to my body rather than my ego. Today I recognized my body was talking to me and I listened to it. Today I chose good sense over pride and pushing myself beyond healthy limits. Today I realized probably the most important thing I will need to take with after this whole experience and that is to simply be quiet and listen. Today was initially going to be a footnote of defeat for me. I felt it. I've quickly realized that's not what it is at all. I just fasted for 26 days to heal my body. Then my body said it's time for the next phase. I said okay. That's a victory.
Goals are important. Reaching goals is great. Realizing some goals may be more than your body can handle, well, that is important. Learning to recognize the difference between giving up and knowing your limits is as important as anything else you can do for your body. I didn't give up today. I listened. I'm going to work on doing that more in the future. I think that's going to work out for me.
Victories so far (recap for the last 35 days):
- I've come off 11 medications and supplements.
- My blood pressure is normal (even without medicine).
- I've quit smoking.
- I've quit drinking Diet Dr. Pepper/caffiene.
- I've lost 33 pounds.
- I've water fasted 26 days.
- I've juice fasted 3 days.
- I've eaten completely clean for five days.
- I've made the decision to listen to my body when it speaks to me.
Yeah. I'm a quitter. And I'm proud.
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Friday, March 27, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
I'm Ya Huckleberry or Your Guinea Pig or Whatever You Need
It's not as though I'm surprised by the fact that my energy levels while fasting are low overall. I guess I just made some leaps on how much I would be able to accomplish while fasting. I presumed temporarily exchanging my hectic life of parenting my five children with my husband and working full time for a brief life of leisurely fasting might still leave me with more energy. Wrong. I think I underestimated the amount of healing that would be going on inside my body and just how much that healing would require as I slink through each day.
Still, here I am. I am drawing to the close of day 24 of my water fast. In some ways I find myself surprised. In other ways, I'm a bit like: "Dude. What did you expect? You've motored through worse. You're a beast." or some such nonsnese to keep myself pumped up. Surprised or not, I am pleased, because this little experiment of mine seems to be going well thus far. A recap/update on where I am today:
Healing in Progress Update:
Days Fasting: 24 (water) / 3 (juice)
Days at TrueNorth: 32
AM BP: 79/51
PM BP: 107/73
Current Medications: ZERO
Weight: -32.4lbs
General Wellbeing: I am doing well in all respects with the expected exception of being very tired. I am four weeks and five days post my last Remicade infusion and I am almost 100% pain free! I am still having some very minor low back and hip pain. Nothing abnormal for fasting though. Just gotta motor on through these next six days!
Today's post is brief. My basic goal today is simple: drop an update and let my wide fan base know where I'm sitting just over a month into this process. That whole wide fan base bit was a little joke. However, what isn't a joke is that I feel truly called to share in this experiment. I've felt compelled since I began this journey just over two years to share my struggles and my ups and downs in the hope that I might be able to be some source of something positive for somewhere out there. I know what I've been through. I know the hell it has been. I know the days of really, seriously thinking your family would just be better off without you. The pain of wondering if the next step would even be worth it. The feel of being a burden and nothing more.
When I began doing DDPYOGA and cleaning up my diet, my life began to change in so many positive ways. And while I simply can NOT wait to be back on my DDPYOGA, I learned through DDP's program to keep going. I learned that was the start for me. I learned that I might have to keep fighting even after making positive changes. I learned that I might have to take things a step farther and keep searching for those additions to tweak the program to work even better for me as a person with auto immune issues. I finally learned to live life at 90% just like Dallas had been saying all along. I've learned to react and I've learned to adapt.
All of this knowledge and searching brought me to where I am at the moment: into this little experiment at TrueNorth Health Center and right into a water fast. It brought me to something I never even would have considered doing six months ago. And so, I stand. I am your guinea pig. I'm here for you to learn from me. I'm here for you to see that there are alternatives, there are possibilities, there are other ideas and hopes out there. And they just might work for you as they appear to be working for me. So, don't be afraid to at least follow my story. Don't be afraid to make changes. Don't be afraid to live outside of your comfort zone. We can beat this thing together and I'm willing to take some bumps for you along the way!
Still, here I am. I am drawing to the close of day 24 of my water fast. In some ways I find myself surprised. In other ways, I'm a bit like: "Dude. What did you expect? You've motored through worse. You're a beast." or some such nonsnese to keep myself pumped up. Surprised or not, I am pleased, because this little experiment of mine seems to be going well thus far. A recap/update on where I am today:
Healing in Progress Update:
Days Fasting: 24 (water) / 3 (juice)
Days at TrueNorth: 32
AM BP: 79/51
PM BP: 107/73
Current Medications: ZERO
Weight: -32.4lbs
General Wellbeing: I am doing well in all respects with the expected exception of being very tired. I am four weeks and five days post my last Remicade infusion and I am almost 100% pain free! I am still having some very minor low back and hip pain. Nothing abnormal for fasting though. Just gotta motor on through these next six days!
Today's post is brief. My basic goal today is simple: drop an update and let my wide fan base know where I'm sitting just over a month into this process. That whole wide fan base bit was a little joke. However, what isn't a joke is that I feel truly called to share in this experiment. I've felt compelled since I began this journey just over two years to share my struggles and my ups and downs in the hope that I might be able to be some source of something positive for somewhere out there. I know what I've been through. I know the hell it has been. I know the days of really, seriously thinking your family would just be better off without you. The pain of wondering if the next step would even be worth it. The feel of being a burden and nothing more.
When I began doing DDPYOGA and cleaning up my diet, my life began to change in so many positive ways. And while I simply can NOT wait to be back on my DDPYOGA, I learned through DDP's program to keep going. I learned that was the start for me. I learned that I might have to keep fighting even after making positive changes. I learned that I might have to take things a step farther and keep searching for those additions to tweak the program to work even better for me as a person with auto immune issues. I finally learned to live life at 90% just like Dallas had been saying all along. I've learned to react and I've learned to adapt.
All of this knowledge and searching brought me to where I am at the moment: into this little experiment at TrueNorth Health Center and right into a water fast. It brought me to something I never even would have considered doing six months ago. And so, I stand. I am your guinea pig. I'm here for you to learn from me. I'm here for you to see that there are alternatives, there are possibilities, there are other ideas and hopes out there. And they just might work for you as they appear to be working for me. So, don't be afraid to at least follow my story. Don't be afraid to make changes. Don't be afraid to live outside of your comfort zone. We can beat this thing together and I'm willing to take some bumps for you along the way!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)